abuse · intergenerational communication

Then…how do you know he loves you?


Good question!  One we should definitely take time to talk about with our kids – boys and girls.

A number of years back a friend of mine, a continuation high teacher, told me this story about a student of hers. She said that she had been concerned about the student because she had some marks on her that showed the possibility of abuse. The was also in a very codependent relationship with another male student.  There is more that I could elaborate on but the following exchange is really all we need to hear.

While talking, her student asked my friend if she was married. My friend told her that she was.

The next question the girl asked was shocking to my friend. “Does he hit you?”

“Of course not.” my friend responded.

“Then how do you know he loves you?”

WOW! This girl had associated abuse with love. Please think about how that happens. For most of us – that’s shocking. For some, however, that’s how they know they are ‘loved’.

How sad!

There are so many roads I could go on from here. I’m not taking any of them. Let this little story take you on your own road. How do you know what love is? What was love when you were 13, 18, 25, 40…?

Please, share this story with others? How was love defined for you as a child? How are you defining love for your children, grandchildren and others in your sphere of influence?

Love Hurts

Why does love hurt?

Like an arrow through your heart?

Why can’t love enlighten

Like a flashlight in the dark?   

student poem



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